Dizzy me!

I FAINTED this morning! arg. lol

I know some lightheadedness is normal for being pg right? I've been feeling lightheaded when I get up from my morning stretch. I wake up, do a cat-type-of-stretch every morning. This morning, I was doing my little stretch but then heard the street sweeper...so I got up, went to the restroom to let DH know (he was showering for work) & then shut the door.

I felt the familiar light headedness & just stood there waiting for it to pass then I felt myself slide down the wall & then when I was coming out of it I was all shaky & couldn't remember for a minute WHY I was in the hallway--last I remembered I was in my bed praying---& it's like I woke up in the hallway praying!!!

All this happened in a matter of seconds then I remembered that I had gotten up for the street sweeper & all that.

sheesh!

1st appointment stats

Nothing special...ok so I HAVEN'T gained 10lbs!! I've gained about 4. Let's just assume it's from growing baby. ;-)

I think I've grown about 1/2 an in. in height too. lol Or I was standing extra tall? OR i just forgot about that 1/2 in since I've been rounding UP my entire life anyway? lol

Urine test again & vials of blood taken. Paperwork w/ a gazillion questions about medical history blahblahblah.

I thought we were 5 weeks along, we are 6 weeks & 1 day. I can never keep track of the weeks vs mos. So we are developing heart right now. 6 week ultrasound scheduled for this Friday, plus another one @ 9 weeks then standard @ 18 weeks. 18 weeks seems so late, I thought it was usually around 12 weeks? But date wise it seems to be about 4 mos so I guess that makes sense? Lets call it crazy gestational math. lol

I normally decline the AFP testing, but because of my age, I qualify for an extra ultrasound....so I agreed. I usually decline since I know I would have baby no matter what & the test is not %100 accurate, so therefore, IMO, it creates UNnecessary stress or worry. The test is a state test to determine some birth defects, like down syndrome. I guess statistically, baby is @ a higher risk due to my age. I'm not personally concerned about that.

EDD is 4/23. Online calculator said 4/24. Only God knows. I'm still hoping to receive my precious gift on MY actual birthday of 4/17. *I* personally think it would be all the extra special. :-)

Already?

I swear I've gained 10lbs! I can SEE it. ugh.

I suspect being pg @ 35 is going to be completely different than being pg @ 29!

My goal is to be in the BEST physical shape during this pg & to enjoy it the most.
If only I could get passed these tired & depressed feelings...I'm going to have to work harder @ this, I think.

I need to be more forceful w/ myself to get up & get MOVING...on the bike @ least. {sigh}

Growing a human takes an unbelieveable amount of energy OUT of you. kwim?
Seriously, lets examine this for a moment...

I. am. growing. a. HUMAN BEING. in. my. body!

This week I believe baby is developing it's (microscopic?) brain...next week, the heart should begin beating.

I am never less amazed when I think of the development of a human life. I can become completely overwhelmed w/ awe if I think of it too much.

I don't believe you can have a baby & NOT believe in God. Incomprehensable to me.

Let's be REAL for a moment...

I am seriously NOT looking forward to....

having 12lb breasts!!!

& MORE stretch marks that look like I'm gonna rip @ the seams.

& needing 30 min just to get IN the car.

& having to lug around a stroller again.

& not being able to 'get up & go' @ a moments notice.

& not being able to fit into my VS undies---ok well, I wasn't fitting into them anymore anyway but @ least there was hope!

& having the feeling like I'm a walking billboard (& being the size of one) that says: YES! I had SEX!

{sigh}

Ok..but I am looking forward to 'mommy arms'--those nice muscles you develop from picking up your baby.

It was the tooth brushing...

Or is it teeth brushing?

Anyway that was one thing that tipped me off to even test.

You see, I LOVE to brush my teeth. For reals! My DH even makes fun of me for it. But I have a track record of NOT enjoying the brushing of the teeth when I am pg. Makes me gag...iykwim.

So I noticed that I hadn't really FELT like brushing my teeth lately. I didn't enjoy it & I was even rushing to get thru it. Imagine that!

Go figure!

Reactions

I could only keep it to myself for about an hour before I woke up DH. I had spent that time in prayer crying out to God for assurance that this madness was HIS idea & that HE knew what HE was doing!

So I abruptly woke him up & interrogated him about his 'commitment level' to me & our family & other crazy-newly-pregnant-lady ramblings. He assured me, through sleepy & bewildered eyes that all was well between us. And proceeded to get showered & ready for church.

In the middle of his shower (tmi?) I pulled back the curtain & blurted out the news. He smiled real big & said how exciting. I burst into tears. He then lovingly asked: aaawweee, what's wrong?

I explained all my fears. He assured me he was in a 'much better place now' compared to back then & felt he was now in a much better place w/ God as well.

The next day we told the ktbunch. Uh, they were beyond excited. Berty was running around the house hollering: We're having a baby! {emphasis on the 'we're' part} Sammyboy said it was the best day of his life. Why? I asked. Because we get to go to Disneyland AND have a baby! (we have passes & had already planned to go Monday)

Even my wonderful 15.5 yo son said it was exciting. I'm glad.

I'm still getting used to the idea...slowly but surely.

Some other friends responded SO positively. Like a relieved happiness w/ the sense of: finally something GOOD ti look forward to for your family.

I certainly hope so.

Surprise?

What the!?!?!?!

2 positive pink lines! 2. POSITIVE. pink. lines.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Then I buried my hands in my face & CRIED!

I didn't even have to wait the 5 min...it IMMEDIATELY turned into 2 pink lines. I was scared.

I felt as if I had been given the BEAUTIFUL JEWELED comb BUT I had already cut off ALL my hair! kwim? Are you familiar w/ that story?

It was what I had always wanted.....another baby. But it was/is the WORST possible time. I had finally determined in my mind & heart hat I would not be having any more children. I had grieved & mourned, gotten used to & FINALLY accepted it.

Therefore I began to make plans.....the path my life would take & what it would look like w/ just 3 members of the ktbunch. Not so bad. I was going to go back to school, finish my degree, move up the industry ladder, getting more involved in leadership roles @ church. Life was smooth--we could get in & out of the car in no time. lol We were in a good place, easy breezy days @ the beach, everyone was self-sufficient. I focused on all the positives of NOT having a baby @ this time.

Then this PITCH!

All my vulnerabilities & insecurities came rising to the surface....wounds from the past I had kept hidden were looking @ me face to face. TEARS of fear.

So here we are.

I rely on God's Word & what I KNOW, not necessarily how I feel.
Children are a blessing. I know that. God is rewarding me after all--for my obedience to His will @ all times, even when it was not what I wanted or planned...that springs more tears, tears of gratefulness.

He has always known the desires of my heart.....& he is rewarding me w/ them...in HIS timing.

Isn't He amazing?

I still have mixed feelings. It will take some getting used to the idea still & well, I've got 9 mos for that right?

All those other 'plans'--well they are not gone, just postponed.

It'll be ........... ok. :-D
I always am.